Photo by Mario Klassen on Unsplash
Willpower is sneaky. It’s sort of been ingrained into the background of our lives. We’ve become so accustomed to it being there, we’ve never stopped to question its presence.
We were told that to ‘succeed’ we’d need to summon our ‘will’. To get things done, we’d need to muscle through, push a little harder when it gets tough, and keep going no matter what (hustle/girl boss culture). Willpower has been the driving force behind so many things, telling us we need to stick it out in the most testing of storms. The problem is, when we’re white knuckling through life trying to hustle or ‘get things done’, we’re not deeply engaged with what we’re actually doing. Instead, we’re attempting to summon something up; energy, courage, drive, or whatever we ‘need’. We’re calling on our will for motivation, improvement, stamina, and that’s all fine and maybe at small moments even necessary, until it becomes exhausting and exhaustive.
But the problem isn’t willpower alone, it’s how we view it. If we see willpower as something we have to summon, we’re making it this elusive and perhaps even finite resource that’s eventually going to run out when we realise we’re not superheroes, when we can’t do it all, be it all and see it all.
So what’s the answer? How do we stop ourselves from reaching that stage of burnout when the willpower has ‘run out’? How do we avoid that dreaded collapsing feeling in the body, when we want to throw the towel in and give up completely?
The answer lies in the softer, gentler energy of willingness.
Willingness as devotion
Being willing to show up for something holds the golden thread of devotion. Willingness has the energy of softly focused commitment but with the ability to wax and wane with the winds of change or ebb and flow like the ocean. Whereas willpower has a more masculine feeling of ambition and bullishness, willingness simply says “I’m here, I’m ready, and I’m willing to be a vessel for whatever needs to naturally arise.”
Willingness doesn’t need to force itself to do something. It doesn’t have to do any big workouts, grandiose practices or drink three coffees just to muster the energy to push through. It’s a more feminine way of being. It’s an aliveness that has the capacity to hold a much bigger container of space for creativity, grounded answers to problems, and compassion through any obstacles. And perhaps most importantly, it’s not operating from personal, egoic ‘will’, but from a more universal place of grounded love. Willingness wants us to feel it a bone-deep level, whereas willpower might sometimes feel like it’s coming from having to literally pump our bodies up in readiness for the day ahead, the creative project, or the confrontation.
Willingness as the antidote to escapism
Willingness is also the beautiful antidote to escapism. If we’ve spent a portion of our lives embodying the energies of the escape artist (running from intimacy, avoiding confrontation, or burning a project to the ground when it looks like it might fail), then turning to embrace our willingness can be deeply healing. Whilst it might not be easy when our default setting is to give in, simple telling ourselves that we’re willing to try again or to see a situation differently can be the first step to transformation.
I invite you to sit quietly now and notice what happens when you shut your eyes for a moment, take a few deep breaths, and say out loud “I am willing.” What shifts in your body? Where can you feel your willingness begin to arise? If nothing happens that’s ok too, just notice how it feels to even say the words.
It doesn’t matter whether we know right now or not what we’re willing for, or willing to be or do. We don’t always need to know. But simply tuning into the subtleties of being willing can be enough for our bodies, minds and souls to begin reorienting us in a new, more intentional and more satisfying direction.
When we’re attuned to willingness, feeling like we either have to summon energy up or start looking for the exit will both begin to become less and less appealing. Willingness can become a trusted friend, a light in the darkness, a path home when all others lead to dead ends.
Let’s marinate in the feeling of willingness. Let’s breathe it in and activate it’s frequency without any expectation of what we might receive in return.
I am willing. I am willing. I am willing.
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